Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Even if he's nuts

A friend of mine sent this by e-mail. I thought I'd share it with all our readers. It shows a picture of the American actor-comedian, Robin Williams, wearing a T-shirt on which is emblazoned "I love New York", with the usual red heart instead of the letters "love", and the rest, in Arabic characters.

"You gotta love Robin Williams.even if he's nuts! Leave it to him to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message."

This is Robin Williams' plan (Hard to argue with this logic.):

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan:

"The United States will apologize to the world for our "interference in their affairs, past and present. You know - Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those good 'ole boys. We will never interfere again.

"We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East and the Philippines. They don't want us there. (Oh no, Gloria and Gen. Allaga want all your GI Joes and more.) We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

"All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We will give them a free trip home. After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal! France will welcome them.

"All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days (stay) unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone (Even if inside a jail like Joc Joc? Paano na si Mike?) We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers. (In 1981, when I was residing in the Washington D.C. suburbs, I had a friend who introduced me to a very refined young Ethiopian gentleman who spoke English fluently, plus French. He was in the US, along with his parents, on political asylum. He claimed to be one of the hundreds of grandchildren of deposed and later killed, Emperor Haile Selassie of Ethiopia, "descendant of the Ammharric gods". And yes, he was driving a cab in the streets of the nation's capital.)

"No foreign students over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby."

"The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy-wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while. (Sarah Palin would love that.)

"Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil-producing countries ten dollars a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can sell their production somewhere else too. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough).

"If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe anywhere in the world, we will not interfere. They can pray to Allah or whomever - for seeds, for rain, or cement, whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army, and the people who need it most get very little, if anything.

"Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. (We can apply. Cebu's Gwen Garcia would love that.) We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lock-up for illegal aliens.

Finally, "all Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The language we speak is English - learn it or leave.

"Now isn't that a winner of a Plan?

Williams has a postscript. "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, "You want a piece of me?"

Funny. What if the red Indians tire of running casinos in their protected areas, and yell the same to Williams and 298 million other non-native Americans?


Back to the yarn (or yarns) woven by the euro generals.

Why were General De la Paz, his wife and Mrs. Versoza in Moscow, and not the rest of the Interpol delegates among the other police generals? The Interpol conference was over just the day before, but De la Paz and company were already in Moscow two days before, eh? They didn't really care about the conference. They were gallivanting in Moscow, perhaps to buy matrioshka dolls for pasalubong, right? And since Moscow is not a Filipina's type of shopping paradise, and the prices too atrocious for even the most filthy rich, there were plenty of euros left for Warsaw and Praha, and Budapest, of course, Wien? Maybe a side trip to Paris for the ladies before flying back? The winter collection at the fashion houses along the Faubourg St. Honore should be enticing enough, and if too pricey for their matronly tastes, well, there are the Galleries Lafayette, or Printemps close to the Opera. You really need a hundred thousand or so euros.

If intelligence funds were used, as claimed by then comptroller De la Paz, and affirmed by PNP chief Jesus Versoza, why was the director for intelligence operations not asked to certify the need for the funds? Kanya nga "intelligence" funds, 'di ba?

Oh well. Ask Ronnie Puno kung paano lulusot. He is the master of the game. He can hire the best public relations men for you, provided PNP intelligence funds, or what's left of it, or the commander's reserve, will answer for the bill.

After all, Ronnie the Tree made you, right, General Jess? And Geary Barias, who tried to get the post through the most powerful in-laws in town, couldn't.