Thursday, October 1, 2009

Twitter treats

Congress will once again throw money into a problem the clear preventive solutions to which neither the executive nor the legislature can’t seem to plan well ahead, let alone implement effectively.

From the much-abused road users’ tax, they are going to pull out ten billion pesos as an Ondoy rehabilitation fund. The senators try to look better. They are pledging one million from their 200 million pesos annual pork barrel, to share with the flood victims. That’s 22 million pesos, because there are twenty-three who avail of their allocation (assuming DBM releases to them) and one who eschews the availment.

From a reader comes this appreciative note: “Thank you….thank you…. Congress………..for donating our money, to us.”

* * *

Ah! The wonders of technology. Imagine how it would have been if we did not have cell phones? With landlines rendered useless by the floods, cellphones were the only link to media offices that immediately mobilized aid and served as message centers to whoever in government was not too stunned to effectively discharge their duties.

And the photos those cellphones took of the fast unfolding tragedy were awesome. Once uploaded into the internet, they gave us dramatic photos of the scary events brought by Ondoy and climate change.

As did using their Twitter to express thoughts as the tragedy struck. Several political personalities and controversial celebrities are parodied in these posted tweets (fictional, of course) so we would have momentary emotional relief from the anguish of last weekend and the slow move-on this week:

GMA: “Sabi n’yo knee-deep lang ang baha? It was chest-deep! Lumusong pa naman ako. Punyeta!”

Sen. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo. Promise. Totoo na ‘yan”.

Sen. Manny Villar: “I am worried about C-5 Road”.

Sen. Noynoy Aquino: “Will have to meet with the Pink Sisters before deciding on which evacuation center to visit first”.

And Cebu congressman Tony Cuenco follows with his own tweet: “Half of the members of the lower House will join Noynoy’s planned relief drive”.

To which Gibo Teodoro says: “Hoy, pinsan, wala namang agawan ng trabaho!”

Meanwhile, Sen. Ping Lacson tweets: “God save the Philippines from Typhoon Ondoy, este, Pepeng na pala”.

But Sen. Jinggoy Estrada is unimpressed: “Baka akalo mo porke’t bumagyo, nakalimot na ako. Hindi pa tayo tyapos, Mr. Panfilo Morena Lacson. Galit pa rin si Daddy sa ‘yo”.

Bro. Mike Velarde enthuses: “Baligtarin ninyo ang inyong mga payong! Tikatik…ayyy… umaapaw na…ang baha!”

Pampanga Rep. Mike Arroyo: “My advice sa mga nawalan ng bahay at gamit is this: Pakasal kayo ulit, para may mag-regalo sa inyo. Tingnan n’yo ako, sa California pa nakabili ng bahay.”

Successor of Ka Roger Rosal: “Basang-basa dahil sa ulan at nanginginig sa sobrang lamig. Ka Joma, kung nababasa mo ito, magli-leave muna ako for two weeks”.

Vicki Belo: “Just got home after driving around the metro with Adel. Ang daming nagkalat na…plastic”.

And followed Kris Aquino: “Gosh, did you see Marikina and Cainta? I swear…kailangan niila ng make-over!”

Boy Abunda: “By Calayan…please.”

Anabelle Rama: “Haaay naku, Dong. May naga-text kanako…Kasabwat daw ni Ondoy si Wilma Galvante!”

And Senadora Loren Legarda: “What have I been saying all along? Climate change ‘yan. You’re not listening kasi, eh”.

To which Sen. Chiz Escudero suggests: “Timing kayo, ma’am. Takbo na, ma’am. Gusto mo ikaw ang presidente?”

But for broadcast celebrity Ms. Korina Sanchez: “Rain or shine…tuloy ang kasal!”

Joke, joke, joke…


Anonymous said...


You passed the twits as yours when it is not....

i know you knew where you got them...

Edik said...

it is sad to notice that you quote in toto a portion of The Professional Heckler's blog ( without even acknowledging him for that. i believe you are from the media and you know the rules. now i wonder if what you wrote are truly yours.

Anonymous said...

Plagiarist!!! Plagiarist!!!

TPH rocks!!!

mikay said...

I already read those Twitter jokes here:

I am your kababayan from Mindanao and it's so sad to know that you would use somebody else's writing without giving proper credit.

Perhaps a written apology is in order?

Anonymous said...

You plagiarizing prick! Have the brains to make your own jokes for a change.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ! This guy must be really ignorant. He doesn't know who THE Professional Heckler is and how popular the guy is.

Dyan ka nagkamali mr. lito banayo... Ang kopyahin ang article ng winner ng Best Entertainment Blog award sa nakaraang 2008 Philippine Blog Awards without any attibution. Alam mo bang mas sikat at mas maraming followers pa sya kesa sayo?

FYI, The PH's blog is a finalist for the Best Humor Blog category at this year's Philippine Blog Awards.

Sana maging lesson eto sa mga plagiarist na kagaya mo. Whattashame!

Anonymous said...

hindi ka ba nahihiya sa sarili mo?

Anonymous said...

brod, mag public apology ka na habang di pa huli ang lahat. tatangapin naman ni TPH yun eh.

Anonymous said...

pucha naman! 'kala ko si Karen Davila lng mahilig mangopya..pati pala ikaw idol! wahahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

I think I have read those twits somewhere....

Anonymous said...

sa pagkakaalam ko dapat sa mga tulad mong manunulat, alam mo ang writing ethics eh.

plagiarist. The Professional Heckler have written those lines. Tsk, tsk.

Anonymous said...

hindi original ang post mo.

kopyang-kopya ah.

Anonymous said...

Hindi ka ba dapat makulong sa pangongopya na ginawa mo? It's intellectual thievery.

I hate old guys who think they know how to write just because they have a stupid column said...

*to the tune of deck the halls*
Ang sakit ng ulo ko
Putang ina mo tarantado
Mangongopya ka ang gago
Mandurugas ka, hala hala

Angelica said...

Grabe naman to, as in kinopya gosh, what is so difficult acknowledging the person who wrote it. di mas nakakahiya naman ito at copy paste with small changes...talaga lang hah, kapal ng face. Just in case you dont know, maraming followers si TPH. so next time make sure you do the right thing..hwag angkinin di iyo...tanda na eh...